"Dear Granny, thanks awfully for the Christmas present ..."
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It is often said that "manners maketh a man", but I believe this idiom should start with children. A child, after all, does grow up to become a man - or woman - so the teaching of good manners should begin in childhood.
As a parent, I strive to teach my own daughter good manners which will, one hopes, reflect well on her and help her to become a thoughtful and polite adult.
I believe part of being a well-mannered child includes writing thank you notes. This is a particularly opportune time to write a post on the subject as we have just encountered the busiest present-receiving time of the year. Nowadays, most children are fortunate enough to receive numerous presents from relatives and friends to mark such special occasions as birthdays and holidays. As a parent, I strongly encourage you to teach your young nippers to put pen to paper and write a few lines of gratitude for every present received, no matter who it's from.
This is a simple task, but an essential one. And, it need not take long to complete. Just a few short minutes is all that is required to convey one's thanks and acknowledgement towards the thoughtful present giver.
Parents, I strongly encourage you to purchase a supply of thank you notes and arm your children with them so that they are ready to scribble away at a moment's notice. And, for those of you that have in the past given gifts to children who have never been taught good manners, I might just have the perfect solution. The next time you consider sending that child a present, why not wrap up a box of thank you notes, along with a nice pen, and send those along.
One does so hope the parents will eventually get a clue.
Hello CD, Children can also be reminded that nothing encourages future gifts as do thank-you notes. Also, a gift of personalized stationery to a child might be more exciting than a box of thank-you notes. Those two words don't take long to write, and the notes can be used for different purposes. It is a rite of passage to have your own stationery.
ReplyDeleteIf a physical gift is given, it should be mentioned in the note, e.g. "Thank you for the handsome wallet." If the gift is money, the amount should not be mentioned directly, e.g. "Thank you for your generous gift" will suffice.
--Jim
Hello Jim,
DeleteI loved using my personal stationery growing up for pen-pal type letters and thank you notes. I am afraid that today's youth rely so much on electronic communication, such paper might go to waste, which is why I suggested thank you notes, at the very least, should be on-hand for letters expressing one's gratitude for a gift.
Your comment has, however, reminded me that I must get on and supply Patience with her own personalized paper in the hope that she will, eventually, see fit to use it for something other than a note of thanks. Currently, she does enjoy exchanging letter with her cousins in England, who are still taught cursive at school (unlike my own daughter!). Patience, being a young teen, enjoys decorating her paper with drawings, her way of personalizing her rather plain Jane note paper.
Hello again, If you get Patience some nice quality stationery she can start to notice first hand how its quality affects her enjoyment in using it, especially if you teach her about laid vs wove bond in the paper, degree of rag in the paper stock, and that sort of thing. I am sure that she is already familiar with the idea of quality workmanship, because her grandfather is a fine custom tailor.
Delete--Jim
p.s. I don't know her grade level, but probably not too far off she will be needing plenty of thank-you notes for college application: for interviewers, tour guides, and others who show her around the school or talk to her about her situation. --Jim
Hello Jim,
DeleteOnce again, you make some excellent points here (and yes, I now see that lots of quality stationery is in her future). I do remember the joys of using good bond and laid paper, and recall being fascinated with paper that had a watermark within it, much like those images found in some Asian porcelain.
PS: I just stocked up on my supply of stationery during my recent visit to London at Smythson on Bond Street. Such a lovely shop. I have, however, noticed in recent times that their stationery is being pushed further and further back into the shop, making way for even more leather goods. Sigh.
Thing about thank you notes is that it does seem to be a cultural thing - many europeans don't do it and nor do many Americans. In fact, one of my continental friends still doesn't get it and she is otherwise so proper and formal. She says she finds it affronting to get a thank you note bc then she felt burdened to write something back so it was interesting to see. But for a Brit, not to write a thank you note seems just rude really. Bc if players in the game are aware of the rules then not to do so seems like a sign they hated the gift or they are making a passive aggressive point almost. But to be fair, i have seen kids not even say thank you period lately!
ReplyDeleteHello Naomi,
DeleteI agree that in Europe, the custom of not sending thank you notes is more of a cultural thing but in the UK and the US that was never the case in days gone by. Today's dismal state of affairs where children - and some adults - don't express their thanks falls squarely on the lax discipline of the parents. Now, to those ungrateful kiddos that you've witnessed who cannot bring themselves to utter the words "thank you", I strongly suggest you direct them to this post (and their parents too) for a primer on civility.
Also, please do tell your continental friend that in the rare instance she does receive a note of thanks, there is absolutely no expectation that she should reciprocate with her own note. She should just enjoy the fact that her thoughtful friend has appreciated whatever it was your continental friend has sent her way.
Hear, hear, I thoroughly agree! In this day and age of electronic communication, many resort to email, but a handwritten note is so much nicer and more appreciated. It is particularly important to acknowledge gifts that are delivered by post. The giver should know the gift reached its proper recipient. And I love Parnassus' idea of personalized stationary...various vendors let you create stationery online.
ReplyDeleteKL Gaylin
Hello KL Gaylin,
DeleteThere's really nothing quite as nice as receiving a handwritten note in among the junk mail and bills in one's letter box to cheer one's day, and yes, dear Parnassus made some excellent points in his comment above.
Hello,
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more. I'm from Virginia, where being gracious no matter what others are doing is expected. (Be pretty if you can, be witty if you must, but be gracious if it kills you.) My mother helped me with my thank-you notes when I was little, and I soon understood the need to get those notes out quickly after receiving a gift or treat. I received my first set of monogramed stationery when I was ten, and yes, my mother noted how handy it would be for my thank-you notes.
I continue to send thank-you notes, as do my friends. A thank-you note is a small thing that can bring joy to the recipient. Would I be so punctual about sending notes if my mother hadn't stressed their importance? Hard to say since they are a regular feature of my life, both as a send and a recipient. Still, as it says in Proverbs, train up a child in the way he should go...it helps to begin the practice early.
Hello Janet,
Delete"...being gracious no matter what others are doing is expected". You make an excellent point and one that we should all aspire to in today's climate of sliding manners.
I love that you have continued sending thank you notes, along with your friends. Civility is alive and well in your corner of the world it seems. Bravo!
We've lost so many of the little niceties, haven't we. Here's to being kind and grateful! xo
ReplyDeleteWell said, Jen Lawrence. Perhaps between us we can help revive those little niceties with gratitude and kindness whenever opportunity presents itself.
DeleteBravo CD! That's the way I was raised. I always send a thank you note after attending a Dinner Party and nearly always the hostess later reports I sent the only one...with her suddenly attentive hubs/boyfriend suspecting GSL has ulterior motives.
ReplyDeleteHello GSL,
DeleteNow, why am I not surprised that you of all people would send a charming note of thanks following a dinner party, well done! In my book, that is the surest way of guaranteeing a return invitation be issued with alacrity when planning the next dinner.
My mother impressed upon me the importance of a well-written thank you note. The gift must be specifically mentioned and something clever said in praising it. In turn, I have impressed upon my daughters the importance of thank you notes, as well as the promptness of sending them out. My oldest daughter realized how useful a thank you note could be when she started interviewing for internships and jobs after college. She always sent her interviewers a prompt thank you, and she always got called back for a second interview which, in turn, often led to a job offer! In any case, it is just polite to acknowledge that someone has gone out of their way for you.
ReplyDeleteHello slf,
DeleteSo pleased to learn that you too were taught the importance of a thank you note, and an amusing one at that! I bet you write the best notes.
The story of your daughter writing a note following an interview reminded me that, yes, I too was taught the same. I'm now wondering how many candidates do just that in today's age of electronics?
I always insisted on written thank you notes from our two sons. They have been deli-gent until the advent of electronic messages. I've done my best to try to understand this new age, but I confess, I'm still in favor of a handwritten thank you note.
ReplyDeletexo
Karen
Hello Karen,
DeleteSo pleased you taught your boys well. I hope you'll consider a gift of stationery for their children, your grand children, when they too are old enough to write thank you notes. Emailing is not quite the same thing is it?
I would fall over if I received a thank you note from one of my nieces or nephews.
ReplyDeleteThat said, i agree with you CD, that thank you notes should be de rigueur when it comes to gifts and to dinner parties. And I think hand written notes are ever so much more appreciated than e-mails.
Hello Diogenes,
DeleteFalling over aside, I hope you'll consider my suggestion and furnish your nephews and nieces with thank you notes and a nice pen on the occasion of their next birthday (or personalized stationery as Parnassus suggested in his comment above).
Once received, I have no doubt they'll be put to good use and will make Aunt or Uncle Diogenes very happy.
Hi CD, its Uncle Diogenes. ;-) Thanks, I will heed your advice.
DeleteI was hoping that one day I might meet you at a Bonham's preview, but they seem to have scaled their calendar of sales back to almost nothing.
Well then, that clears that little mystery up, thank you!
DeleteYes, I was alarmed and saddened to discover that the regular American and European furniture and art auctions at Bonhams in SF completely dropped off the calendar last year. I now see that even the Asian art auctions have disappeared as of 2017. Just wine now apparently. How long, one wonders, until their doors are shuttered. Sad!
Hear! Hear!! (Or Read! Read!, in the case of a written note).
ReplyDeleteYou've touched on quite the tender topic for many, for far too many a gift is sent to blush un-thanked; even the modern propensity for fingers-to-keyboard goes lacking in the case of a tiny moment to tap down thanks, or indeed confirmation that gift was received.
But your post is fragrant with so many wonderful reminders of the joys of writing, of paper, of correspondence and ink and the sheer delight of a note---signed, sealed, delivered, and sometimes treasured forever.
Bond Paper. Vellum. Cardstock. Watermarks. Stationery-with-an-E---those lovely small boxes opened to find such treasures as pale paper awaiting the pen---and the dignified script of name or monogram upon such things as note-cards and letter paper---what lovely memories you conjure, conjure.
rachel, whose helping-with-homework on sleepover nights is not confined to mere lessons, but runs away into that ancient art of script and curl of letter, cross of T. What tales there are to be told in a tiny blot of ink on inside-middle-finger.
Ever Hopeful.
Hello racheld,
DeleteThank you for awakening my own memories of that almost constant ink blot on my middle finger. Fountain pens were mandatory at my school when I was young, and so was writing in cursive. I hated it to be frank. I had many disastrous run-ins with my pen when filling the cartridge bladder, and also because as much as I tried, I could never quite master joining up those characters to make them flow. I blame it on my left-handedness!
Thank you for this post. Only discovered your blog recently and enjoy it thoroughly!
ReplyDeleteHello Stephanie Bell,
DeleteThank you and welcome aboard! I do hope you will visit again and join in on the fun. I always appreciate hearing from my readers.